hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
