I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
