watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
