Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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