we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
