Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
