I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
