Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
