hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
