lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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