You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
