I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
