you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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