I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
