we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
