So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
