I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
