She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
