You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
