At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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