If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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