Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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