remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
