Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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