By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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