haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
