worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i now understand why vodka
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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