theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
