smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
me + whiskey = a bad person
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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