I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
