I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think my moral compass just broke
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
