oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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