I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
