lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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