Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
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She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
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HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME