he shaved USA in his pubs
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
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I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?