So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.