can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
