Texts From Last Night

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  (+44): View more from England

  if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed

  (+44): View more from England

  keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction

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  (+44): if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed (+44): keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction http://tfl.nu/lbnu
  Replies (18) Good night (4593) Bad night (570)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.

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  (313): No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/6118
  Replies (11) Good night (834) Bad night (3836)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.

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  (330): All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game. http://tfl.nu/3l6w
  Replies (9) Good night (4905) Bad night (865)
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  (714): View more from California

  no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you

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  (714): no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you http://tfl.nu/e8y7
  Replies (7) Good night (2985) Bad night (739)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.

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  (864): The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up. http://tfl.nu/edto
  Replies (6) Good night (2319) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one

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  (978): Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one http://tfl.nu/zma0
  Replies (13) Good night (2134) Bad night (678)
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  (589): View more from

  This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.

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  (589): This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing. http://tfl.nu/5sq0
  Replies (3) Good night (1127) Bad night (387)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  Is this the acid talking?

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  (256): Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive. (1-256): Is this the acid talking? http://tfl.nu/txi2
  Replies (3) Good night (905) Bad night (428)
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  (716): View more from New York

  There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.

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  (716): There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now. http://tfl.nu/bttm
  Replies (4) Good night (441) Bad night (962)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.

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  (806): I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship. http://tfl.nu/hvwx
  Replies (3) Good night (692) Bad night (337)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol

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  (610): I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol http://tfl.nu/5mb9
  Replies (4) Good night (373) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.

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  (904): Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake. http://tfl.nu/mh4i
  Replies (10) Good night (664) Bad night (877)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO

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  (214): WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO http://tfl.nu/p2cw
  Replies (5) Good night (727) Bad night (208)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.

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  (651): I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different. http://tfl.nu/w3bu
  Replies (4) Good night (292) Bad night (466)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.

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  (937): I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it. http://tfl.nu/13iq
  Replies (0) Good night (217) Bad night (308)

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