she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
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Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
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Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here