So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.