The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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