Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
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Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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