Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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