Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
