He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
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No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Im part way to drunk.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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