just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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