It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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