i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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