cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
