Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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