guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize