is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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