I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
