but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
