BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
