if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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