Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
