Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
