I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
