3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
