He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
