I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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