I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He passed out mid-signature
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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