there's paper in my vomit.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
