You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My feet surprised me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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