I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
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While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
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Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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