You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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