She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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