Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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