Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
