I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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