All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize