i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
no, he came in my armpit
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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